Roger

When I put down the telephone I took some things, I put them in a backpack and I went to the train station. I would have to take 3 trains and it would take me 19 hours more or less to get there. I would do anything to not take a plane.

I arrived to the station, I went to the window and I bought the tickets. Well, that´s it, I thought, in 45 minnutes the first train will leave. I bought something for the journey and I waited. I took out my notebook; I wanted to get something clear. What Roger told me didn´t have any sense. In fact he didn´t say anything at all, so I put my notebook back again. I met Roger years ago, in a concert. Since that day Roger became an important element in my life.

He went to live to  Brittany, to Rennes, a couple of years ago. We kept in contact but, of course, distance does its work and life goes on for everybody. Even so I saw him at least once a year, when he dropped around.

The train arrived, finally. I got into the train, looked for my sit and I thought how nice it would be if no one will sit next to me. It worked. The train started the engine. Ok, I thought, it´s done.

That morning, before seven to be more exact, the telephone woke me up. It was Roger.

- Rita! Rita!

- Who is it?- asked I still quite sleepy

- It´s me, Roger

- For heaven´s shake Roger. What time is it?

- it´s almost seven in the morning- he said

- Mmmhmm- I complained

- Hey, wake up, you must come

- "I must come"?. Wait a second, wait, wait, what´s going on?

- Didn´t you have holidays?- he asked

- Well, yes, more or less, they fired me...

- Then you have to come to Rennes- he insisted

- But what happened?- I didn´t understand anything

- Now I can´t tell you anything, but it´s... you must come. Write down the address. When you arrive call me and I´ll pick you up.

- Ok, ok, but wait- said I while looking for a pen - Ok, tell me

I wrote it down.

- Thanks Rita, thank you a lot. I knew you would come. Big kiss for you.

And he put the telephone down.

What the hell was going on?

So there was I, sitting on a train on my way to Barcelona. Then I´ll take another train to Paris, with stops at Girona, Figueres, Limoge, Orleans and finally Paris Austerlitz, then I´ll take another one to Paris Montparnasse and finally the last one to Rennes. I don´t know why but is so easy for me to go on adventures like this one.

 

I arrived to Barcelona. At 20,30h pm the train to Paris left. I shared the cabin with a woman from Orleans. She had an hotel there and she invited me to go, of course, she even gave me a card with the telephone number. At 21,45h she took a pill and she just passed out. There was also another woman in the cabin. At 20,37h she put on a pijama and went to the cot. I say cot because the word “bed” is too big for it. So my war buddies left me with my digressions. You were allowed to smoke. I say this cos this kind of journey, for a smoker, wouldn´t have been possible nowadays, of course. I don´t know how many times did I go to the restaurant car but they were a lot. Roger. At the border the police got onto the train, and after one hour they took a couple of guys with them. I decided to go to the tiny cabin again to try to sleep. I think I slept for an hour or something but I ended up at the restaurant car again. Roger. At daybreak I went to the corridor to enjoy the view. We were going through a wooded area and there were about 40 cm of thick mist covering everything. It seemed the trees were floating. All was grey. All was a bit spooky. Roger. The woman from Orleans appeared. A few after the train stopped and she got off. She told me to go to her hotel again.

The train woke up slowly. Life was starting again. When I went to my cabin again, the 20,37h´s woman was already, groomed and dressed. I say hi, she answered back.

The train arrived to Austerlitz more or less on time. From there I went to Montparnasse station and I took the las train.

Two hours and a half later I arrived to Rennes and I called Roger.

When I saw him I almost couldn´t recognize him. He was much thiner and he didn´t look too good. He seemed 20 years older.

- Thanks Rita- he said and he hugged me.

- Well…are you gonna tell me what´s going on? Cos i´ve been 20 hours travelling and I don´t know why yet- I asked him smiling

In the car I asked again.

- Well, how are you?

- Good- he said

- You seem tired

- Yes, well, a bit

- And what´s so important to make me come?- I asked

He didn´t answer

- Hey, what happened, I rememberd you a bit more talkative- I said

- When we are at home i´ll explain- was his answer.

I watched him out of the corner of my eye. And I didn´t say anything else. How strange.

We arrived to Roger´s house. He showed me my room, I had a shower, I change my clothes and I came back quickly to the livingroom.

I found Roger absorbed in hundreds of papers, pictures, draws, notes…. I got closer to the table and I sat down.

He looked at me, he took his glasses off and he began to tell me a weird story about secret caves. I couldn´t belive what I was listening. When he finished the story we went to sleep, in the morning we were going to the cave.

After thinking for some time, I reached to the conclusion that Roger was completely nuts.

According to Roger, when he arrived to Rennes he joined a group that went on trips to the countryside, just to know people, he said. Since he made quite some excesses in his youth he thought an activity like this one would be good. After a few months he was tired of the “explorer´s group” but he quite liked a lot the trips through the mountain, so he kept going by his own. Sometimes he even camped somewhere and stayed there for a couple of days. In one of these weekends he discovered a cave. His first contact wasn´t too productive, those were his words. But soon he noticed something was going on inside that cave. He began to go every weekend, it became an obsession.

We woke up early, we took the car and we went to the aforesaid cave. The acces was far more complicated than I thought; we needed ropes and averything.

When we arrived to the entrance a nauseating smell burned my throat.

- You´ll get used to it later on- Roger said

- Yeah, sure

He gave me a flashlight and he began walking.

But…what the fuck am I doing here?, I thought.

I followed Roger with some difficulty.

- Hey, are we gonna get inside? Cos I don´t like this too much..

- Shut up!!- he said- did you hear that?

I tried to sharpen my senses, but I couldn´t hear anything.

- No- I said

We kept walking slowly. My hartbeat was really accelerated.

Suddenly Roger stopped.

- We’re gonna wait here a bit- he informed me

- Here?

He looked into all directions like he was looking for something. I couldn´t see anything autside the renge of my flashlight. But it seemed Roger didn´t need his.

- Is something gonna happen?, then tell me or I will have a heart attack.

- Trust me

- Is not that I don´t trust you Roger but i´m scared to death, I don´t like this place, it stinks, i´m cold, I can´t see anything, I think i´m walking over bugs and sure I have somethi..

A noise

- Did you hear that?- he asked me- did you hear that or not?- he turn around looking at me

- Yes

I couldn´t move

- What was that?- I asked

- Come, follow me- he said grabbing my arm

- No. Wait a moment. What´s going on here?

- I don´t know- he said – I never saw it, I always wake up here, where we are now. I thought if I could come with somebody else maybe we could go a bit further

- You wake up here?

- Yes, las three times. I woke up on the floor. And I don´t remember anything. I can hear some noises and next thing I know is that i´m on the floor, exhausted- he told me

- And what do I have to do here? Do I have a mission or something?

- Come on, let´s walk a bit more- he said

- Look- I said- I follow you just because i don´t know how to go out

We walked and walked till we got to a part a bit wider

- I never got till here- he said

- Well and now what?- I asked

- Did you see that??!!

I turned around very scared

- Hello?- Roger shouted

- No, no, no hellos, you´re shitting me, there´s no one here

- Yes, there was something over there

- An animal- I said

- It was big- he said

- Well, then a big animal. Anyway, what are you trying to find here?- imasked very nervous

Suddenly Roger´s face changed, the expression changed; I couldn´t see much but even his eyes seemed different. I was scared. He began to babble something incomprehensible.

- Roger, are you all right?- I asked grabbing his arm. He was rigid.

I shook him a bit but he didn´t react.

- Let´s go, come on, let´s leave this place- I said. But he didn´t move.

He was standing there, without moving. He turned around, he was in front of me. A shiver ran through my body. He came closer and closer, I moved away. He was three centimeters away from my face and then he opened his mouth in a hideous way and the most horrifying cry i ever heard in my life filled the cave with horror. It was a painful and endless cry. His face was distorted. I was very close to lose my mind. He began having very heavy convulsions, he fell down. He shouted, he writhed. I didn´t know what to do and I started crying for help and shouting. I didn´t even want to get close to Roger, I was terrified. He was seized with I don´t know what, I called him by his name a lot of times. He stood up and looking at me he began to sing something in a language I couldn´t understand. The worst was that I heard like someone was answering to his song. I shouted even more and panic took me. I told him I was going to leave, I told him we should leave that fucking cave but he seemed to be somewhere else. I begged him to come with me. But everything was in vain. I will be outside, I said. I wait for you outside, I repeated.

I was full of doubts and remorse and after a while I managed to find the exit. I was shaking, it was raining. It wasn´t very clear for me what happened inside the cave. I didn´t know where was I, not even where the car was. I started walking.

 

I woke up in a hospital. I didn´t understand anything till I began to remember everything

- Roger- I said and I tried to come out of the bed

A nurse appeared and she indicated me not to move. He talked with another nurse in french. They called a third one who spoke my kanguage.

- Good morning- she said- How do you feel?

- What happened? And Roger?- I asked

- You have benn four days in a coma. They found you on the forest, all wet and your clothes were all distroyed. They brought you here.

- Who found me?

- A family

- And Roger?

- There was nobody else with you

- But Roger was in the cave- I said very nervous

- When you arrived to the ospital you said something about a cave. The police went to the area but they didn´t find anything.

I began to cry

- We wre in a cave…- I sobbed

- Listent, could be the hit…

- What hit?

- You had quite a hit in your head. You must saty for some day more in the hospital. Do you have relatives here? Any acquaintance?

- Roger- I said

They made a lot of questions and a lot of tests. Even police came. No one knew anything about any cave and nobody reported any missing person called Roger.

When I was able to leave the hospital I went to Roger´s place. No one opened the door. I tried hard to remember the way to the cave. I rented a car and looked for it for some days, but everything was useless. I went back to Roger´s place many times, I called to his telephone number, I even sent him letters. I never knew anything else about him.

Text: Vanesa Pomar
Art: Miguel Sp
Contact: vainilla_p@yahoo.es

Mrs. Sokolov

Like every morning, Sveta walked calmly thinking about the things she had to do before coming back home. She greeted the neighbors. She spent some time with the ones she liked most. She checked prices and goods, she talked about how soon the winter arrived that year, she talked about how expensive was life becoming.

Sveta went to the butcher´s shop.

- Good morning Svetlana, how are you today?- asked the butcher

- Ok, I´m ok sweet heart, I can´t complain I guess- Sveta answered

- And your husband, how is he?- the butcher asked again while she was cutting some chicken

- At home- she said- with his things, you know

- How is he doing?

- Do you have livers?- asked Sveta while she looked the goods they had

- Of course! And very big ones. I was asking about your husband, how is he doing?- she insisted

- Well..like always sweet heart, like always. Can you give me two livers and half a kilo of sausages. How much is it? Here you have, thank you, god bless you.

- Thanks Sveta, god bless you too, be careful, the floor is very slippery.

Sveta left the butcher´s, she put the bag into her purse, she tied the scarf into her head and went back home walking calmly.

When she walked through the park Sveta saw a group of young people running and having fun. She looked for Kolia. He lived in the same street as Sveta, a little bit further. He was such a good boy, Sveta thought, so polite and always very willing, so happy…Of course, must be the youth, she thought, when I was young I was also full of energy and dreams. But, where is he?, he must be with that girl..what was her name…

And thinking about Kolia she arrived home. She went up the few stairs kicking with her feet against the floor in order to get rid of the snow. She opened the door and at once she could hear Misha greeting her cheerfully.

- Hello Misha- she said with a very sweet voice while getting closer to it. The small bird beated its wings energetically and it gave her a trill.

Sveta opened the cage and Misha flew to the little woman´ silver head. She laughed.

A bout of caughing made her snap back to reality. Vladimir.

Sveta put some water on to boil, those infusions were good for him, they relieved the coughing a bit.

She left the kitchen with a steaming cup and went walking slowly towards the livingroom. There, sitting on his coach, was Vladimir Sokolov with a flushed face, with his nails stucked into the coach.

- Take this, I made it fo you

He didn´t move

- I´ll leave it here.

In the kitchen Sveta lighetd the coal stove and started cooking. She sang to herself. Misha was flying from one place to the other one.

- Food is ready!- she said to Vladimir. She went to the livingroom to help him to stand up. She held him firmly while he tried to sit up. Sveta noticed how shaking the legs of her husband were. In the kitchen he sat down with his back to the stove. Sveta served the soup.

- It´s tasteless. And that bird has been the whole morning screeching, I have a headache.

Sveta didn´t answered.

- And, what is this? Liver? Again liver?

- Doctor says is good for you

- Doctor says, doctor says. And what else does the doctor say, does he tell you to make my last days bitter?. Don´t look at me like that. God…this woman! I should have gone long time ago, even with the army, but now…that the only thing I have left is my illness…where do I go?, huh?, tell me Svetlana, where do I go.

Sveta cleared the table.

- Do you want the liver or you don´t?- she asked

He, pushed by anger stood up and went to his couch limping.

Misha appeared.

Sveta sat down on a chair and watched the bird eating the peaves of bread on the table. She suddenly stood up, she tidied the kitchen, put some liver stew on a recipient. She put on the jacket, the coat and went to the door.

- I´ll be right back – said to no one. And no one answered to her.

She went to the street, turned around the corner and knocked at Kolia´s door.

- Mrs. Sokolov!, come in, don´t stay aout there, it´s very cold.

- Good afternoon Kolia, are you busy?

- No, no! How are you? Is there any problem? Do you need some help to move some old furniture?- asked Kolia smiling.

Sveta also smiled.

- No, that´s not it. I bring you some liver stew I cooked. I thought you hadn´t eaten.

- Thank you, you are so sweet… you are spoiling me- he answered- And yoou? Did you eat?

- Yes, yes, don´t worry, we already eat. Well, I must go, you must have things to do, young people are always so busy…

- Are you ok Svetlana?. Asked Kolia worried about the woman- you don´t talk too much today.

- Is just I´m a bit tired, I´m too old I guess- she said while walking to the door- Good bye Kolia, god bless you.

- Good bye- he answered – god bless you too.

Sveta went back home, took off the jacket and looked into the livingroom. He was sleeping. Better, like this he didn´t suffer so much.

She went to the kitchen and she started to shred a peace of bread. She put the pieces in a plastic bag.

- Misha, Misha! Come here! – and the bird landed on her shoulder. She took it carefully and put it back into the cage. She put on the jacket, the coat, the wool cap, the gloves, she took the plastic bag and went to the street.

She walked to the park and there she started feeding the few birds she found. When a cold wind arrived she went back home.

Vladimir was awake.

Sveta sat on the livingroom. Silence. She watched through the window.

- The pills- Vladimir said- bring me the pills

- It´s not the time yet

- I told you ti bring me the pills!- insisted

Sveta brought the pills.

When the dinner was ready she went, like always, to the livingroom to help his husband. They walked to the kitchen, he sat with his back to the coal stove and she served the dinner.

- And the liver?- asked Vladimir without taking his eyes out of the table.

- There´s nothing left- answerd Sveta calmly.

- What do you mean?

- I gave it to Kolia.

- To Kolia? That long haired poor devil?

- He´s very kind. And very polite

- Did he pay for it?

- How is he gonna pay me? You said you were tired of liver- she answered

- I don´t know what do you have in your head Svetlana. You will the death of me.

After preparing the infusion for Vladimir, Sveta went to her room, she undressed and went to sleep.

She opened her eyes and she saw there was coming too much light through the window. She woke up fast, she got dressed and she went to the livingroom. He wasn´t there. The couch was empty. She went to the kitchen and she found him sitted on the chair, in front of an empty cup, with the spoon in his hand and looking to the table. No one had lighted the coal stove.

Quickly she put water on to boil and prepared the stove. She put some wood and some papers to make it burn faster.

She drank her tee very fast, she took the coat, the gloves and the hat and she went to the market.

Oh!, she thought, I forgot to say hello to Misha.

She did the shoping without distractions, today she was a bit late, and she went back home.

When she was close to her house she saw a figure sitted on her stairs. Who was it? Kolia! She started to walk faster.

Kolia stood up, he was serious, and what was Misha´s cage doing outside? Sveta didn´t understand anything. Kolia went to her veru upset.

- Mrs. Sokolov- he said- I was getting some wood behind the house and..

- What´s wrong Kolia? What is Misha doing here outsode?- she asked scared

- I found Misha´s cage behind the house Mrs. Sokolov. Misha is…

- It´s not possible!- she sobbed- it was at home, last night I said good night to it

- Sveta, someone put Misha here, do you understand?

- But, who, who can be annoyed by a little bird?- asked Sveta

Then Svetlana Sokolov went pale. She half-close her eyes fixing her thoughts. She took the cage and turned around.

- Sveta, Sveta, wait, where are you going?- Kolia asked – what are you gonna do?, do you want me to help you?

But Svetlana didn´t answer and kept walking. She arrived to a clearing close to her house and there she kneeled, she made a hole on the floor with her old hands and with her eyes full of tears she buried poor Misha.

She stood up and went home. Kolia was still there, where she left him. The young man looked at her saddened.

- If you need anything you know where am I- he said

- Thank you son, god bless you.

She went back home, she put the empty cage in the closet, she dried her frozen tears and went to the kitchen. She sat next to the stove and she frolicked a bit with the iron poker. Vladimir´s caughing brought her back to reality.

She cooked some food and when everything was ready she went to help his husband to stand up. They sitted at the table and he ate everything Sveta had prepared. She didn´t eat a single bit, she just looked at him with her eyes full of hate, but Vladimir didn´t realise about those things, it was long ago since he looked to her wife´s eyes for the last time.

The day went by normally, Vladimir snoozed on his couch when the cough wasn´t too bad and Sveta, in the kitchen, cried in silence Misha´s death.

Sveta´s anger increased, how could he have done such a thing? How was he able to leave the poor bird on the street? How could he go on like nothig happened?

- Svetlana! Svetlana! Where are you woman? Can´t you see I need you?- he shouted from his couch.

Svetlana went to the livingroom

- Bring me those books

- You should do it yourself. I know you move by yourself some times

- What are you talking about? You know nothing. Bring me those books I said and leave me alone

Sveta put the books closer and she stood up in front of him for a second

- What do you want? Do you want me to say thank you or something?

Sveta turned around and she went to the kitchen.

Somebody knocked at the door. Sveta startled and went to see how was it?

- Hello Kolia! Come on in

- How are you? Do you feel like going to the park for a walk?- asked the young man

- No, thank you son, it´s too cold.

- Are you ok? Do you want me to stay for a while?

- Do you want a tea? – asked Sveta

- Yes sure, if you drink one too

- Yes, we will have a tea then

- Where is he?

- In the livingroom. Sugar? I forgot- said Sveta smiling

- No sugar

- What´s the name of that girl who was with you the other day?

Kolia laughed

- Katia, her name´s Katia

- And where did you meet?...

When they finished the tea Kolia left.

Sveta went to the place where Misha´s cage was hanging. She was going to open the cage to free the bird for a while. She cried.

When the food was ready she went to get her husband.

- What´s wrong Svetlana? You don´t talk too much today- said Vladimir ironically –Whay did that Kolia want?

Svetlana left the plate in front of him.

- It´s cold here, sure you forgot to put on more coal

She looked at the stove, the coal sack was empty. She went to get another one, she dragged it to the kitchen while his husband put the spoon in his mouth. She rested the sack against the wall and she took the iron poker to poke the little fire.

- Bah! This soup is disgusting- said Vladimir.

Svetlana Sokolov, with the poker between her hands looked at her husband´s back. She raised her arms, arms that for the first time since long ago weren´t shaking anymore and she took out on his husbands´s head all those years of pain and anger.

The head bent forward, it sank into the disgusting soup, there were spasms and dark and thick blood dripping.

Sveta looked for some sheets, she wrapped the head, she put the body on the floor and wrapped everything again and again, she cleaned everything, the blood, the soup, tha glasses, she cleaned years of memories, she scratched and scratched till there was nothing left, except for Vladimir Sokolov lying on the ground, with a blood stain that was getting bigger and bigger.

After sitting for a while not to think but to stop thinking, she stood up and went outside. She got round the corner and knocked at Kolia´s door.

- What are you doing here? You´re gonna get sick. Come on in- said Kolia

- No, no, are you busy? I need you to come with me one moment.

- Sure, what´s wrong?

She didn´t answer, they got inside Sveta´s house and she went directly to the kitchen. Kolia followed her. Then was when he saw the wrapped body on the floor of the once known as Vladimir Sokolov.

- Oh my god! But, what did you do? What happened? Ok , clam down, We have to call the police.

- No, I don´t want to call the police. I want to take this thing out, take it to the mountain- she said- Sorry Kolia, I shouldn´t have called you, go, go home please and say nothing to no one.

- But, how can I leave you with all this? Besides you already got me into this Mrs. Sokolov

They left the house through the back door and half carrying, half dragging the got the body to a remote place. It was snowing, that was good, so the footprints will be gone, Kolia thought. He couldn´t belive yet what was going on.

They started digging and after a long time there was no Vladimir Sokolov anymore.

- Go home Kolia, you already did too much. Thank you

- An what about you?

- I will stay here for a while, you can leave now son

So Kolia left, trying to assimilate what he just did. Everything went so fast… He felt terrified.

Sveta took a deep breath, she tightened the scarf and turned around. She went to the place Misha was buried. She crouched and dug the bird up. She went back home, put Misha inside the cage again, she drank a glass of vodka and she slept.

Text: Vanesa Pomar
Art: Miguel Sp
Contact: vainillap@gmail.com

The Bitch

It was around half past eleven or twelve and, after a lot of absinthe, I wasn´t too friendly anymore so I decided to go home.

I left the bar, i got around the corner and I went to the small square where the tram had its last stop. I sat down on a stone wall. I don´t know for how long I stayed there but suddenly they appeared. They were about seven or eight dogs, big and unclassifiable dogs. They were walking slowly, taking their time, at that time when they owned the city. There were quite some packs of dogs roaming through the city, dogs without a boss, dogs with nothing to do, dogs sunbathing, dogs arguing, dogs chatting. It is said one day someone put them on a boat and they were sent to an island close to the city. It is also said the dogs came back.

So there we were, the dogs and me. I don´t know if they noticed me but they didn´t give a sign about it. I spent quite some time looking at them. That one was the boss for sure, sitting, tired, observing the rest. He stood up and started walking, gradually the rest went after him. And I, like I didn´t have anything better to do, went after them. We left the small square and we went down that street I never remember the named, the musicians street, the one that has a hats shop at the corner. One of the dogs turned at the first intersection, I think it said some kind of goodbye or something. We kept going down the street. I, of course, as the intruder I were, I kept my distance, I had seen those dogs fighting.

When we arrived to the tower, this one was one of the favourites places for these packs to meet, we made a stop. We stayed there for a while. I was sitting on a stone, 25 meters away more or less, I kept watching the dogs. The boss was sitting again, impassive to the games of he rest, yawning, absorbed, looking at nowhere. He shaked his head, becoming the leader again and he started walking again.

Three of the dogs stayed there.

I stood up, I decided to go after the boss. My head was as diffused as the absinthe I drunk, I leaned on a lamppost looking for the balance I lacked, I took a deep breath and I kept carring out my stupid mission.

We went down a street parallel to the musicians one, a narrow street, with old houses with clothes hangin out from one side of the street to the other one, a street with rusty grilles and broken windows, a steep street, dark and wet. Suddenly a stairs appeared, a stairs I´ve never seen before, there two more dogs left us. I took a deep breath, we were three left. I didn´t have any clue where was I, not even what time was it. I didn´t know anymore what the hell was I doing. With no ability to force me to do something else I kept with all the thing. We went down, down and even more down and suddenly I noticed we were only two. A shiver ran through my whole body, the boss and me, me and the boss, scouring the most filthy alleys.

The dog started to walk slower, I don´t know if it did it because it was alone, without anybody to guide but itself or because It knew I was there, it always knew it and it wanted to make things clear for me. I was scared, I swear I was fucking scared. All of a sudden the dog stopped and it seated turning its back on me. I turned a bit looking for a place to lean on and I ran into something, I fell down and that something was a pile of garbage bags. I didn´t move, I raised my head a bit just to see where the dog was. It stood up and it was coming towards me slowly. I bowed my head and I breathed slowly trying to decelerate my heartbeat, I closed my eyes and I ducked even more, I wanted to look even smaller. A few seconds after I opened my eyes again, the dog was two meters away from me, showing me its theeth and its ears were backwards. I could smell the dog, it smelled awfull, it smelled like being wet even being dry. I closed my eyes again and I lowered my head even more showing the back of my neck, and I stayed in that submissiveness for a long time. I could smeel its breath, I could notice its wet nose in my neck and I realised it was a female. It was a bitch and I had meddled into her matriarchy. The bitch putted its snout under my chin and it raised my head, now I could look into its eyes although I avoided it, I was quite scared still. It licked my hand, I don´t know yet if it did it because it liked the taste of what I mashed or just to wash the disgusting smell around me. Now I was more stinking than she was.

She called me to stand up, well, that´s what I thought. I did it slowly, I din´t want to scare her nor provoke any distrust. She looked at me while I tried to take all the garbage off. It didn´t work by the way, most of it were liquids and stuff you could mash, smelly stuff. When I thought I was clean enough I looked at the dog and nodded, like saying I was ready to go wherever we were going. This situation wasn´t absurd anymore. It was stupid, I know.

We kept walking, I didn´t care anymore about the route, I was happy, the dog accepted me as a bitch, she offered me her protection and her knowledge. Her route took us to the most exclusive garbages, to the most unimaginable corners. The city seen by two bitches.

I was tired, we had been several hours hanging around the streets. She seemed to understand my exhaustion, she turned into an even narrower street, she crossed a door without door, she went up a stairs with more holes than wood and we arrived to a room with some clothes on the floor, well, old clothes, some shoes and more stuff. She lied down and I did the same. And there, in that nauseating enviroment we slept.

When I opened my eyes, she wasn´t there, I don´t know for how long was I sleeping but there was quite some light on the street. I woke up, I stretched, I smelled myself, I got disgust of myself and I left the room. I went down the stairs, with light they were even more scary, I went to the street and I looked to both sides trying to find myself and I saw her. She was sitting, sunbathing, relaxed. I went towards her, I scratched behind her ears and she looked at me. Few seconds after she started barking, she fidgeted, she became agressive. I didn´t understand anything, I turned around and I saw some dogs were getting closer. I became alert in case the newcomers decided to attack us but then I understood I was the intruder, the barkings were for me, the rejections were for me. She allowed me to be bitch for one night and our relationship was over with daylight. I wasn´t welcome in her matriarchy anymore. You to your house and I have mine. And that´s what I did.

Text: Vanesa Pomar

Art: Miguel Sp

Contact: vainillap@gmail.com